Becoming the Light 🕯️ Craved

🕯️The Ache That Sent Me Searching

Sometimes, when you’re unaware of a void inside yourself, you go unconsciously searching for it in the world. And when the world doesn’t give you what you’re missing—or gives it, only to take it away—you’re left wondering what’s wrong with you. And you feel emptier than before.

I recently broke up with a recurring ex. He’s lingered since our initial relationship in 2021 until now, 2025. During our time apart from 2021–2024, I realized how much of a safe space he had been for me. I thought about him literally every day. Longed to be seen in that way again.

When we got back together in December, I felt alive. Everything felt, looked, even smelled better. I started working out again. I started investing. I started getting my sh-t all the way together—because we were planning a future. Marriage. Stability. The version of myself I had been waiting to become.

But obviously, by calling him my ex, you can guess: it didn’t work out.

Post-breakup, it felt like someone had flipped the lights off in my life. Vibrancy dulled. Joy faded. Consistency turned to avoidance. That safe space of being seen, heard, and felt was snatched away. Again.

🌙 The Question That Shifted Everything

Then I had a profound session with my therapist. After I described everything I cherished about having him in my life, she asked me a simple question:

“What if what he provided for you, you can provide for yourself?”

I’d heard versions of that before—but this time, it hit different. This time, I was empty enough to actually consider it.

So I tried.

After workouts, I’d “text” myself: “I’m proud of you. I’m happy you’re staying consistent with your goals.” When I was sad and craving physical comfort, I cried. I held myself. I snuggled with my dog. I validated my feelings instead of gaslighting myself. I stopped calling myself crazy for feeling and started honoring the part of me that felt deeply.

And that’s when the shift began:
I realized I had always created space for others.
I showed up when people made room for me.
But I had never once created space for myself.

And now I was.

What if everything I’d been unconsciously searching for in others… was waiting for me within?

🌿 What Safety Used to Look Like

To me, safety looked like:

• Vulnerability

• Encouragement

• Reassurance

• Presence

If someone gave me just a glimpse of those things, I clung to them. And when they left, I felt discarded. Like I was too much. Or not enough.

But really—I was chasing slivers of light because I hadn’t yet learned to shine my own.

It put so much pressure on every relationship. Every new friend was my long-lost sister. Every man who showed kindness? My future husband. I gave loyalty at a level people hadn’t earned. And when it wasn’t returned, I felt unlovable.

The truth?
I had been abandoning myself—so of course it was easy for others to do the same.

💫 The Shift That Saved Me

That therapy session changed everything. I started noticing lifelong patterns. And now, I’m taking sacred, simple steps to become my own safe space:

• I speak to myself gently. I no longer dismiss my emotions—I hold them. I find their root. I give myself credit for feeling at all.

• I stopped shrinking to be liked. If people leave when I show up as my full self, they were never meant to stay.

• I keep promises to myself. That builds real trust—because no matter what, I have me.

• I stopped romanticizing everything. Not every hello is a love story. Not every kind soul is family. I let people show me who they are before assigning them a role.

• I leave emotional doors open. People can come and go. My peace no longer clings—it flows.

• I create intimacy for myself. Date nights. Bubble baths. Champagne and candles. Weekly reminders that I can experience tenderness with myself, for myself, by myself.

Because waiting for someone else to give it to me?
Only reinforces the idea that I’m not already worthy of it.

🪞 A Gentle Reflection

What patterns make you view others as more worthy than yourself?

Recognizing patterns is hard. It takes honesty, patience, and grace. But once you notice them—they don’t go unseen again.

There’s no better feeling than knowing: I got me.
No matter who stays or leaves.

There’s a peace that comes from being your own soft landing.
There’s a power in being your own safe place.

The light you’ve been searching for outside?
It’s been glowing inside you this whole time.
You just needed to come home to it. ❤️

💌 A gentle reminder for your weekend:

Breathe. You’re allowed to be held by your own presence.

🌷 Thank You for Reading

If you made it this far—thank you for walking through this with me.
Healing doesn’t always look graceful, but every time I choose myself, I get closer to wholeness.

This space is my way of not abandoning myself.
I hope it reminds you to stay with you, too.

📝 Soft Return Reflection Prompts:

– What have I been waiting for someone else to give me that I can begin offering to myself?
– What patterns have I repeated in relationships that made me abandon my own needs?
– What would it look like to become a safe space for myself this week?
– How can I show up with softness without shrinking?

✨ Affirmation Set:

I am my own soft landing.
I don’t have to chase love. I return to it within.
I honor my emotions as sacred, not inconvenient.
My light is not borrowed, it’s my own.
I am no longer waiting to be chosen. I have already chosen me.

Until next time 🌷