🔥 Consistency Without Fire: Showing Up When It Isn’t Sexy

I feel like I talk in circles sometimes, like even when I’m on different topics, they all coexist and overlap in some way.

I’ve been gone for a while. Starting my new job opened the floodgates of abundance for me. And you’d think that would make life easier and happier, and it did. But it also stirred something inside of me that felt uncomfortable with the positive shift. It was overwhelming in a way I wasn’t used to.

With the high of receiving so much came the inevitable crash. And that crash led me back to a place of grief and longing, searching for something outside of myself to make me happy.

After weeks of chasing dopamine highs and lows, I remembered: I’ve been here before. This feeling is familiar. The comfort of lack and dopamine crashes had become my “happy place.”

That’s when I saw it clearly: the staircase of my soul leading back to the seat I’d left behind. I sat down, hugged myself, and whispered, Welcome back.

❓ What’s the Point?

Even with all this abundance, I’ve found myself feeling lost, asking: what’s the point?
I’m still not where I want to be.
I still don’t have the love of my life.

It felt like this wave of abundance was supposed to usher in a new chapter—but instead, I found myself stuck in the same loop.

🪞 The Hard Truth

Talking with my therapist, I realized something important: I was right. I am supposed to be starting a new life. But the reason I feel stuck isn’t because life hasn’t given me what I want, it’s because I haven’t been willing to put in the work.

For a while, I would put in spurts of effort and expect immediate results. When things didn’t happen, I felt like I’d wasted my time. Then I’d sulk, chase dopamine hits, crash, and start again. The cycle felt infinite.

Then my therapist said something that stopped me in my tracks: the life you want is on the other side of the work you put in every day.

It sounds obvious, right? But pause and sit with it:
Are you living the life you really want?
When you wake up and wish you were doing something else—why aren’t you?
Is it fear? A person? Yourself?

That’s when it hit me.

⚖️ Learning to Feel Alive in the Small Things

It sounds easy. Yet growing up in an environment where only big accomplishments were celebrated made the everyday steps feel invisible. Numb.

That numbness made me crave intensity, anything that reminded me I was alive, even if it meant pain.

But what if I could feel alive by chasing my dreams instead?
By pouring into myself what I so desperately want to pour into others?

What if the only thing holding me back from what I want… is me?

🌊 Choosing Consistency, Choosing Me

I’m realizing more and more that it has been me all along. I’ve been afraid of consistency because it feels too safe—too steady, compared to the highs and lows I’ve built relationship with.

The loop of “This is the year I’ll change my life” only to say it again the next year has been like an old friend. But I’m ready to break up with that friend.

It’s scary to realize I could have everything I’ve ever wanted if I just kept showing up, every day. Whether it’s an hour or five minutes. Big steps or tiny ones. The point is to keep moving.

So here I am again:
Back to chasing me.
Back to chasing my dreams.
Back to pouring into myself, giving myself a safe and soft place to land.

This is my space to reflect, to write out the thoughts I usually keep inside. And if you’re reading this, I hope something resonates. I hope it helps you on your journey back home to yourself, too.

💌 A gentle reminder for your weekend:

Consistency doesn’t always sparkle, but it builds the life you’ve been wishing for. Don’t underestimate your small steps, they’re the quiet and maybe boring, but they’re proof that you’re moving forward.

🌷 Thank You for Reading

If you made it this far, thank you for meeting me here, in the middle of my becoming. I hope in some way it reminds you of your own and motivates you to keep going.

📝 Soft Return Reflection Prompts:

Where do I confuse intensity for progress in my life?

What “old loop” do I keep revisiting that feels safe, even though it holds me back?

What would my life look like if I trusted daily steps instead of waiting for big breakthroughs?

🌺 Affirmation Set

I don’t chase chaos, I build peace.

Consistency is my rebellion.

Dopamine is not my compass.

My discipline is my freedom.

I am the fire and the foundation.

Until Next Time 🌺